Friday, August 06, 2004

Driving Is Life

A good morning so far. I got a phone call from my new boyfriend in Ireland (don't worry Mark--I have a rich but harmless fantasy life), and this time I was cool. No girlish heart-stopping, no stuttering.

When I was driving in Illinois last weekend I noticed a sign at roadside. It was the same shape as the signs here in New Jersey that say "Call #77 to report aggressive driving." The one in Illinois said "Call #44 to report impaired drivers." Right there is the difference.

I assume impaired drivers means drivers in distress, drivers with flats, drivers with engine trouble, drivers with ulcers, drivers with one arm, drivers who can't hear, drivers who can't see.

Something else I noticed is that drivers in Illinois, at least the part that's south of Chicago, drive mostly in the right lane and actually use the left lane for passing people driving slower than them. It can't really be helped in New Jersey, people driving in the left lanes fast and weaving to other lanes since the roads are so packed with vehicles. Many NJ Drivers are under the delusion during busy times that the left lane is still the fast one, but it gets packed with people thinking they are the ones who really have some place important to go. That in effect, the right lanes begin to become more spacious. Some drivers see these and move rightward, realizing that the left lane is weakening in its status as the fast lane (though this is variable). As this continues, all lanes begin to lose status of any kind and we have a sort of boundless chaos much like that in mythologies during the time before gods created life on earth and so on. That said, driving in New Jersey is a profound mythological return to the womb.

Anyway, I felt like an asshole at first driving in Illinois, buzzing past people on the right or left, whichever was most accessible. Then I decided to do as the Romans were doing and go into the left lane only when it was time to pass. What a stress-free path, what zen.

Ho ho ho.

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