Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Drills

Am I going to be arrested for my thoughts? I wonder this sometimes.

Today the hospital is participating in a terrorist attack drill. Muffled electronic voices leap from walkie-talkies in the hallways. Questions, commands. Codes and helicopters, stat. Policemen in the building have multiplied from the norm.

I don’t have faith in policemen. I don't feel safe. Most people I know don’t. I feel more comfortable asking a street rat for directions than I do a policeman, except in the darkest shade.

The great fissure between outer and inner levels of perception used to torment me, neuroticize and outcast me. People fundamentally exist in the inner level but function daily in the outer level, the masked level, the acceptable sidewalk, the rhinestone halter-top façade, seemingly unaware of the pulpy inner. I’ve always been too aware of the inner level to function smoothly on the crust.


A street rat can more reliably send me to the train station than a policeman who speaks in outer dialect. P-man and I, we don’t connect.

This is fucked up. General consensus among people I meet is that p-men are dumb hypocrite assholes. Generalizing is limited. The way I see it, though, policeman don’t serve their purpose, or maybe my ideal was raised too stately when I was young and then let me down late like a bowling ball. Or maybe I don’t like their purpose. Neither do I trust inside the church.

What to trust then but self and selves fed by loose mouths and media, easy pharmaceuticals, deadened goals, canyon morals. Candy lungs and air wet with plague. They will sue you, the agent told me.

The courthouse showed me the sham last week. Little-man complexes, a half-dead judge and deceptive dismissals. Proposal to self: engage in conversation with random p-man, a personal conversation climactic with a poke in the belly to see if it’s real.

2 Comments:

Blogger glomgold said...

There's only one place I trust, nay, search for the flatfoots. Newark.
You were partaking in the bioterror drills? The paper said today that NJ would've failed miserably and many many would've died!

4:27 PM  
Blogger kim said...

Ugh. The terrorism drills. Only the perfect opportunity to terrorize cocky Americans... I avoided the terrorism drills like the plague (pun is there, intended or not). I have actually walked to the actual police station for directions a time or two. I believe police are like everyone else; some great, some assholes

4:01 PM  

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