Room for Improvement--You Copy?
And I’m not even at all pissy today. I went to the copy machine to pick up something I printed. There was a woman standing there. I could see she was about finished copying whatever she was copying. So I stood back and waited. She turned around and said in a motherly tone, "You have to be aggressive, Sara." She probably spelled my name with an "h" in her head. This scene bothers me for a couple reasons:
1. It’s condescending, which is something I don't tolerate. A person who speaks this way to a person like me—and, saying this, a person like her has only an illusory perception of what a person like me is—thinks she is helping out the less skilled; however, the "less-skilled" has her own way of doing things and reasons for doing things in such way which this person does not understand. What does it matter that I stand and wait for three seconds until she’s finished? Doesn’t matter to me to wait. I could use a little break from the computer anyway. It isn’t passive; it isn’t meek. In fact, it's polite. In fact, it could even be considered lax of me to stand there idling for three seconds.
2. This is at least the fourth time she’s said such a thing to me.
Why don’t I say something back to her? By not retorting am I indeed the meek person she implies? Why does it bother me so much? I’ve learned something. All my life I have been quiet and waited my turn, and while in the past I have been the meekest earthling and while I still don't always step forth, I’ve climbed the crags to an assertive quietude that I'm mostly satisfied with. I still often wait my turn, but I also get what I want. Generally I don’t see the urgency to, say, race and climb on top of the copy machine in front of someone else in order to snag a paper I don’t mind waiting literally three seconds for. All my life, people have been telling me to be more aggressive, to speak up. Well, fuck off. How’s that? I’ll be how I am. Every time I've confronted someone when their behavior displeased me, I’ve been clobbered by the receiver, been called bitchy, thoughtless, selfish, pushy, and the rest. I don't think I'm worse off for keeping quiet when I can sense a person won't understand my confrontation any better than he or she understands my behavior.
It doesn’t work for a person to act or speak as another person tells him or her to without some inner drive. This is why you can’t tell someone along the wall to get out there and dance. If that person doesn’t feel it it won’t work. Not to say a person should never bust out of his or her own bounds. I make a practice of doing so and find it entertaining and educational; e.g. Fuck me daddy, Get me a steak Bitch, No the whole bottle of wine is mine get your own. Sometimes the new roles work and I adapt them. In fact this very woman encountered me at the copy machine one day and showed me the way she prints onto letterhead. It’s about ten degrees more efficient than the way I was doing it, but still more efficient so I’ve picked it up. (I admit that sometimes I get snippy when people get critical, but I do know and try not to.) But why does this whole schmess bother me at all? I guess it’s just cumulative frustration with people and their actions caused by roots they’re blinded to, and their general lack of awareness while thinking they're on top. Ah, human nature. Why not try a nod or smile of acknowledgment, or hi-how-are-ya if you really care, at the copy machine?
Stereotyping and deep-rooted insecurity cause a person to say, "You have to be more aggressive, Sara." Or, I don’t understand who you are or why you do what you do; it would be better if you did it my way; that way I wouldn’t feel unstable or scared.
If I’m at fault or lacking I am so for being just an observer and watching how you do things in your own way and not telling you how you could do them better my way. Ho, ho, ho. I will continue to observe, and if I think it will matter, I will speak up. Otherwise I will observe and go back into my office to write it down for the gods to include in their epic. Which perhaps indicates my own quick clipped judgment.
1. It’s condescending, which is something I don't tolerate. A person who speaks this way to a person like me—and, saying this, a person like her has only an illusory perception of what a person like me is—thinks she is helping out the less skilled; however, the "less-skilled" has her own way of doing things and reasons for doing things in such way which this person does not understand. What does it matter that I stand and wait for three seconds until she’s finished? Doesn’t matter to me to wait. I could use a little break from the computer anyway. It isn’t passive; it isn’t meek. In fact, it's polite. In fact, it could even be considered lax of me to stand there idling for three seconds.
2. This is at least the fourth time she’s said such a thing to me.
Why don’t I say something back to her? By not retorting am I indeed the meek person she implies? Why does it bother me so much? I’ve learned something. All my life I have been quiet and waited my turn, and while in the past I have been the meekest earthling and while I still don't always step forth, I’ve climbed the crags to an assertive quietude that I'm mostly satisfied with. I still often wait my turn, but I also get what I want. Generally I don’t see the urgency to, say, race and climb on top of the copy machine in front of someone else in order to snag a paper I don’t mind waiting literally three seconds for. All my life, people have been telling me to be more aggressive, to speak up. Well, fuck off. How’s that? I’ll be how I am. Every time I've confronted someone when their behavior displeased me, I’ve been clobbered by the receiver, been called bitchy, thoughtless, selfish, pushy, and the rest. I don't think I'm worse off for keeping quiet when I can sense a person won't understand my confrontation any better than he or she understands my behavior.
It doesn’t work for a person to act or speak as another person tells him or her to without some inner drive. This is why you can’t tell someone along the wall to get out there and dance. If that person doesn’t feel it it won’t work. Not to say a person should never bust out of his or her own bounds. I make a practice of doing so and find it entertaining and educational; e.g. Fuck me daddy, Get me a steak Bitch, No the whole bottle of wine is mine get your own. Sometimes the new roles work and I adapt them. In fact this very woman encountered me at the copy machine one day and showed me the way she prints onto letterhead. It’s about ten degrees more efficient than the way I was doing it, but still more efficient so I’ve picked it up. (I admit that sometimes I get snippy when people get critical, but I do know and try not to.) But why does this whole schmess bother me at all? I guess it’s just cumulative frustration with people and their actions caused by roots they’re blinded to, and their general lack of awareness while thinking they're on top. Ah, human nature. Why not try a nod or smile of acknowledgment, or hi-how-are-ya if you really care, at the copy machine?
Stereotyping and deep-rooted insecurity cause a person to say, "You have to be more aggressive, Sara." Or, I don’t understand who you are or why you do what you do; it would be better if you did it my way; that way I wouldn’t feel unstable or scared.
If I’m at fault or lacking I am so for being just an observer and watching how you do things in your own way and not telling you how you could do them better my way. Ho, ho, ho. I will continue to observe, and if I think it will matter, I will speak up. Otherwise I will observe and go back into my office to write it down for the gods to include in their epic. Which perhaps indicates my own quick clipped judgment.
1 Comments:
next time just look at her and make the "you've got something on the side of your mouth or coming out of your nose gesture." then nod when she makes her move.
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