Scatology Sometimes
I am a busy little editing fiend today here at work. However, I can’t pass the chance to offer the layman’s explanation of the following found in a manuscript: a negative stool test for occult blood. To begin at the beginning, this test must test shit ("Stool" is for the weak-stomached, though really it’s shit, foul shit, no matter the terminology. Who could really be fooled?). Next, we must be testing to see if there is blood in the shit. This is always a bad sign, and certainly worse if it’s occult blood, picked up of during a midnight ritual channeling Satan or some other sooty deity, during which the subject was rammed in the ass by the fiery stick of a goat-man in the nucleus of a Midwestern cemetery (for my roots have me privy to such information). If no such blood is present in the stool, in which case the stool test is negative, we can conclude that none of the above has gone on and that the ass and shit of our subject at hand are doing just fine. A lucky one, our subject.
If scientific definition is so easily constructed and manipulable, then I shall cling more honestly to poetry and pottery, acknowledging that I make it up as I go.
If scientific definition is so easily constructed and manipulable, then I shall cling more honestly to poetry and pottery, acknowledging that I make it up as I go.
4 Comments:
on the back of my packet of crisps it once said of Olestra..."may cause loose stools" now it has the added "and anal leakage"
Kate, I love your brand of lunacy.
Mr Anigans, I've heard of this dire Olestra warning.
Careful with Olestra, I've eaten many Olestra chips and taken many vacations in the office restroom.
What if they decided to add Olean to milk? Wouldn't that just be an explosive mess! You know, that whole "ass-ramming" thing, medical sources tell me that light bulbs are the ramming items of choice amongst the gay male sect who then end up in ERs. Dangerous living!
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