MNOTS v. Listing
"Sara S. schrieb:"
This, from a German doctor in an e-mail. I sure did; I schrieb. Watch your back, or leave the room.
Awake in the middle of the night again last night. Reasons: 1) got a new car last night, 2) ate a burger late last night, and 3) obsessive middle-of-the-night thoughts.
Yes, after 2 1/2 hours (in addition to the full day over a month ago) and a confusing issue with pricing and financing, I finally got a new car. I said goodbye to Frank, hugged him, then drove home in this new one, a bright blue (winning blue, they call it) Mazda 3, which I haven't yet felt a name for. There are three particular places en route to work where Frank had no pick-up, none. An unfortunate thing in New Jersey. Together we pissed off drivers of cars behind us. I still loved him, petted him consolingly on the steering wheel. I do not jest; I really did. This morning I was in one of those cars who used to behind me, and now I believe everyone should by law have access to cars that drive well, quick pick-up and smooth-sailing. I also believe that I shouldn't be in this office without a window today: eager to get to know my new car, it's fucking beautiful outside, and coincidentally while The Good Doctor is away no work is coming in for me by e-mail either. I could probably leave and then return at 4: 30 to swipe the clock, but I'm too honest for that activity.
Yes, ate a burger with melted bleu cheese after the car deal. The middle of the night included gurgle gurgle brooooaaa goorar and then some.
Yes, more middle-of-the-night obsessive thoughts, from now on referred to as MNOTs. Say "em-nahwts." To them I say, what the fuck? I wouldn't be having these thoughts so obsessively during the day. Come on, guys, I'm trying to sleep. Mark Dwyer once wrote that he sleeps like a rock and that during that time "Nothing goes on." I am grateful for the capacity as a mostly healthy being to think, and I am even grateful for the quick-flitting, manic, chaotic thoughts that sometimes disturb my well-being. But to be able to have a rest from it and just lie down, go to sleep, and stay asleep would be a nice balm. I don't envy him the not dreaming, however. Dreaming is one of my favorite things about being alive, in the top 5 for sure. To try to divert MNOTS, open-eyed at 3am, I decided to go ahead and make that list. Probably the list changes, like everything else, including my Grandma's age and my Latin vocabulary, but for now I've decided on the following, in no significant order:
1. dreaming
2. laughing
3. being surprised (along the whole +/- spectrum)
4. being naked with my boyfriend
5. shifting into alternate consciousness while writing
I see potential in this list-making. Hopefully this blog will help ADD Sara remember it.
This, from a German doctor in an e-mail. I sure did; I schrieb. Watch your back, or leave the room.
Awake in the middle of the night again last night. Reasons: 1) got a new car last night, 2) ate a burger late last night, and 3) obsessive middle-of-the-night thoughts.
Yes, after 2 1/2 hours (in addition to the full day over a month ago) and a confusing issue with pricing and financing, I finally got a new car. I said goodbye to Frank, hugged him, then drove home in this new one, a bright blue (winning blue, they call it) Mazda 3, which I haven't yet felt a name for. There are three particular places en route to work where Frank had no pick-up, none. An unfortunate thing in New Jersey. Together we pissed off drivers of cars behind us. I still loved him, petted him consolingly on the steering wheel. I do not jest; I really did. This morning I was in one of those cars who used to behind me, and now I believe everyone should by law have access to cars that drive well, quick pick-up and smooth-sailing. I also believe that I shouldn't be in this office without a window today: eager to get to know my new car, it's fucking beautiful outside, and coincidentally while The Good Doctor is away no work is coming in for me by e-mail either. I could probably leave and then return at 4: 30 to swipe the clock, but I'm too honest for that activity.
Yes, ate a burger with melted bleu cheese after the car deal. The middle of the night included gurgle gurgle brooooaaa goorar and then some.
Yes, more middle-of-the-night obsessive thoughts, from now on referred to as MNOTs. Say "em-nahwts." To them I say, what the fuck? I wouldn't be having these thoughts so obsessively during the day. Come on, guys, I'm trying to sleep. Mark Dwyer once wrote that he sleeps like a rock and that during that time "Nothing goes on." I am grateful for the capacity as a mostly healthy being to think, and I am even grateful for the quick-flitting, manic, chaotic thoughts that sometimes disturb my well-being. But to be able to have a rest from it and just lie down, go to sleep, and stay asleep would be a nice balm. I don't envy him the not dreaming, however. Dreaming is one of my favorite things about being alive, in the top 5 for sure. To try to divert MNOTS, open-eyed at 3am, I decided to go ahead and make that list. Probably the list changes, like everything else, including my Grandma's age and my Latin vocabulary, but for now I've decided on the following, in no significant order:
1. dreaming
2. laughing
3. being surprised (along the whole +/- spectrum)
4. being naked with my boyfriend
5. shifting into alternate consciousness while writing
I see potential in this list-making. Hopefully this blog will help ADD Sara remember it.
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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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