Did I Smoke the Nasty and Then Drive to Work?

Oh god all my sensory receptors are intensely receptive today. I feel like the whole world’s sensations are passing through and through my head, puppeting my nerves and worming around in my veins: the big trucks so big on the highway, the anger of the lady driving behind me, the singing of the woman in the hallway, the hold music on the speaker phone in the room next to me, the woman on the phone in another room, the printer, the fax machine, my CD playing on low, high-pitched beeping somewhere, the doctors talking in doctor voices back and forth outside my office, the anger of the pungent people here who hate their jobs, the mail cart jingling, cacophonously mingling conversations at both ends of the hallway, doors shutting, sneezing.

Things I dislike in life:
1. Money
2. Rush-hour traffic
3. Circular conversation
4. Belittlement, particularly as a result of insecurity
5. Pre-meditated jokes

I had a hard time with this list. I started making the list over a week ago. All of these things I’m fascinated by enough to enjoy as part of living at some point or another.

1. Money is and has always been the dominant or related cause of major and minor turmoil in my life and in the lives of most people I know.
2. Traffic fascinates me but on mornings like this one when I can feel everyone’s anger, sadness, and total disregard for other people, I’d rather be anywhere else, except for drowning in the ocean.
3. Circular conversation is high on my list of most frustrating situations, when people say the same things back and forth to one another, usually thinking if they say it one more time they’ll get the answer they want. This happened this morning. How many damn times need I say "I don’t know"? I could make up an answer, but where would that get you?
4. Belittlement as a result of a person’s insecurity: this happened a lot when I worked at Borders. So you hate yourself and the life you’ve made for yourself. It’s obvious so why try to mask it by shitting on the innocent and unrelated?
5. Pre-meditated jokes. Sometimes I can appreciate these, but really I’m just appreciating the person delivering them, when that person’s personality transcends his or her degenerate attempt at humor. At a friend’s house this weekend, where her parents were presenting a gourmet dinner, a friend of the family, when my friend and I visited the downstairs to pick up some appetizers, said to my friend’s mom with a despicable wink: "I see you got yourself a couple of maids for the party." Followed by his own laughter. He was trying to make the other old people laugh, and to make a "cute" joke to me and my friend. I continued facing the other direction, peering into the cabinet for a cup, particularly when he repeated himself, not receiving laughter the first couple tries. That was better than the look I might have given him. I know, that was bitchy. Finally I gave him a forced smile, poor thing. Old guy humor. Sometimes, nonetheless, it infects me too.