news from the misprioritized illuminatus of rivington
In lighter condom news, bas-relief gets the shaft
And consumers are going to love it! Yesterday one Mr Anigans and I began an e-mail dialogue in which he asked me about “some pre-tax thing” regarding “medical business” which covered…
Mr Anigans: …alternative therapy is ok as long as it's legal. condoms are covered too.
Sara: condoms too. that's great. even the fancy ones?
Mr. Anigans: define ‘fancy one.’
Sara: ribbed, flavored, jeweled, gilded, spatter-painted, bas-reliefed.
Hot damn, it hit me: Bas-relief condoms! I can quit my job and live deific like the Gatekeeper of Rivington should. This is my special purpose. Mr Anigans is already working on slogans:
"BAS RELIEF FOR HER PLEASURE."
"WHEN RIBBING JUST ISN'T ENOUGH."
"NOT JUST PROTECTION—ART!"
"NOW IT WILL BE NICE TO LOOK AT TOO"
"THE ART OF MAKING LOVE"
"HEY BABY, LOOK IT'S MATISSE!"
"A LITTLE GREEK RELIEF WITHOUT THE DISCOMFORT"
Bas-relief condoms will be marketed with a lewd product already in the works which can not be disclosed at this time. But sit tight—soon every day will be like Christmas with your pants down, without the bad attitudes and lousy driving in parking lots.
* * *
In darker condom news, in India “men will pay more for unprotected sex”
“Here, the danger of a culture that is simultaneously licentious and conservative, of seasoned husbands and sheltered wives, becomes clear.”
“In almost every doorway in the red-light district of Chilakaluripet, in Andhra Pradesh, women drape, wearing bright clothes, garish makeup and come-hither expressions that have served to lure both men and disease.”
“In a dusty parking lot at this truck trans-shipment point, an AIDS educator wielded a black dildo and a condom, encircled by truckers who stifled mirth and curiosity.”
* * *
In parenting news, learn to spot the signs
If you find your Caucasian daughter interested in literature, then alcohol, then drugs and motorcycles, then married to a Turkish man for citizenship purposes, watch out—soon she could reject all and show up wearing a head scarf and long robe with her long-bearded husband. A suicide bomb mission is the final foray into exoticism and experimentation.
* * *
Is this news? You decide
Some believe Bush may go down as the worst President—ever, replacing James Buchanan.
And consumers are going to love it! Yesterday one Mr Anigans and I began an e-mail dialogue in which he asked me about “some pre-tax thing” regarding “medical business” which covered…
Mr Anigans: …alternative therapy is ok as long as it's legal. condoms are covered too.
Sara: condoms too. that's great. even the fancy ones?
Mr. Anigans: define ‘fancy one.’
Sara: ribbed, flavored, jeweled, gilded, spatter-painted, bas-reliefed.
Hot damn, it hit me: Bas-relief condoms! I can quit my job and live deific like the Gatekeeper of Rivington should. This is my special purpose. Mr Anigans is already working on slogans:
"BAS RELIEF FOR HER PLEASURE."
"WHEN RIBBING JUST ISN'T ENOUGH."
"NOT JUST PROTECTION—ART!"
"NOW IT WILL BE NICE TO LOOK AT TOO"
"THE ART OF MAKING LOVE"
"HEY BABY, LOOK IT'S MATISSE!"
"A LITTLE GREEK RELIEF WITHOUT THE DISCOMFORT"
Bas-relief condoms will be marketed with a lewd product already in the works which can not be disclosed at this time. But sit tight—soon every day will be like Christmas with your pants down, without the bad attitudes and lousy driving in parking lots.
* * *
In darker condom news, in India “men will pay more for unprotected sex”
“Here, the danger of a culture that is simultaneously licentious and conservative, of seasoned husbands and sheltered wives, becomes clear.”
“In almost every doorway in the red-light district of Chilakaluripet, in Andhra Pradesh, women drape, wearing bright clothes, garish makeup and come-hither expressions that have served to lure both men and disease.”
“In a dusty parking lot at this truck trans-shipment point, an AIDS educator wielded a black dildo and a condom, encircled by truckers who stifled mirth and curiosity.”
* * *
In parenting news, learn to spot the signs
If you find your Caucasian daughter interested in literature, then alcohol, then drugs and motorcycles, then married to a Turkish man for citizenship purposes, watch out—soon she could reject all and show up wearing a head scarf and long robe with her long-bearded husband. A suicide bomb mission is the final foray into exoticism and experimentation.
* * *
Is this news? You decide
Some believe Bush may go down as the worst President—ever, replacing James Buchanan.
1 Comments:
literature,alcohol,drugs & motorcycles --> suicide bombing??? wow. that kinda sounds like college...
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