charmed we are by frogs and flags
Today is not a day for abstract profundity. Frayed nerves, Friday humidity, call it what you will. So be it. I’ve got concrete evidence of vital volleys, modest aspirations, in our modern day. Last night an adventure took my friend/roommate/wise man and I to the local pharmacy. After examining boxes containing Mandelay (sound it out) and an array of contraceptive vaginal films
Aside: now, really, the word 'film' when it does not apply to moving pictures for entertainment’s sake never indicates anything attractive or desirable; e.g. sugar film on teeth after drinking regular soda, thick film snagging from lips after drinking milk, film of grime on the body after a day in the workplace (any workplace) or in New York City. Generally ‘film’ in such a way refers to something coating itself onto a surface that needs to be washed off…
we continued to the vitamin and herb aisle. There was more in the way of delaying ejaculation, increasing ‘the load’, enhancing female stimulation, enhancing the penis in general. But there was also a product called Grobust. It’s supposed to increase breast size by up to two cup sizes. Call me naive; I didn't know.
In my mind I still squat in that aisle, holding the box, mouth agape, baffled laughter escaping. Grobust!? Could this be real? Could this be any more real than a skit on Saturday Night Live? Apparently so. Apparently this life and the cock-eyed consumerism and plasticity it proliferates is the comedy skit I’ve suspected it was. Bigger boobs with herbs. Now that’s magic. That’s witchery. That’s crazy. I believe--I always have--in the fantastic. Apparently so do the physically insecure/unhappy and the vultures who prey on them when the stuff is called Grobust and not Frog-Tooth-Charmed-Tongue Batter for Women. And so we have Mandelay.
With this in view, how could my nerves be frayed? I’m changing the channel to aisle 4: bargain supplies (i.e. shit nobody for the last year wanted to buy), where I will purchase a battery-powered heating pad once-opened, a broken headband, and a bag of circus peanuts.
Aside: now, really, the word 'film' when it does not apply to moving pictures for entertainment’s sake never indicates anything attractive or desirable; e.g. sugar film on teeth after drinking regular soda, thick film snagging from lips after drinking milk, film of grime on the body after a day in the workplace (any workplace) or in New York City. Generally ‘film’ in such a way refers to something coating itself onto a surface that needs to be washed off…
we continued to the vitamin and herb aisle. There was more in the way of delaying ejaculation, increasing ‘the load’, enhancing female stimulation, enhancing the penis in general. But there was also a product called Grobust. It’s supposed to increase breast size by up to two cup sizes. Call me naive; I didn't know.
In my mind I still squat in that aisle, holding the box, mouth agape, baffled laughter escaping. Grobust!? Could this be real? Could this be any more real than a skit on Saturday Night Live? Apparently so. Apparently this life and the cock-eyed consumerism and plasticity it proliferates is the comedy skit I’ve suspected it was. Bigger boobs with herbs. Now that’s magic. That’s witchery. That’s crazy. I believe--I always have--in the fantastic. Apparently so do the physically insecure/unhappy and the vultures who prey on them when the stuff is called Grobust and not Frog-Tooth-Charmed-Tongue Batter for Women. And so we have Mandelay.
With this in view, how could my nerves be frayed? I’m changing the channel to aisle 4: bargain supplies (i.e. shit nobody for the last year wanted to buy), where I will purchase a battery-powered heating pad once-opened, a broken headband, and a bag of circus peanuts.
5 Comments:
this entry is, how do you say, fabulous.
i walked into the store a few weeks ago. front and center was a ridiculously large display of circus peanuts. i was astonished. didn't think they were still in production.
I tried that Grobust. But my breasts did n o t h i n g !
effing fantastic. sometimes i wish i had your life. or at least saw it through your eyes.
dishpantheism--thanks. and--a full display of the circus peants?! that is absolutely nuts. i did witness an old old lady buying some in a pharmacy about a month ago. i hadn't known people actually bought them.
roger stevens--perhaps you need to break open the pills and use the herbs topically.
transience--hm. maybe then we could pull a switch-off now and again. that would be intense. it'll be easier when i complete my invention of a teleportation device.
Year old circus peanuts and film? Blech. (I tried typing blech the first time but by accident it came out as belch).
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